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When something is not working out, instead of focusing on finding solutions, some people have a tendency to overthink about the problem.
It is as if the problem expelled a toxic fog that would disable the creative faculty of our brains, making it extremely challenging to find alternatives that would help solve the situation. As a consequence, we allow ourselves into this dark dead end filled with debilitating negativity and no way out. It is important that in moments like this we see “life as life” and not as a polarized experience of all good or all bad. I am certain that for every complaint we have, we can think of at least three other things related to the problem that are working out. It is a matter of where you choose to focus your attention. But do not get me wrong, this is not an invitation to live in denial at all! This is an invitation to be mindful and also appreciate, with gratitude, everything that brings you comfort, no matter what. Waking up at sunrise and drinking your favorite cup of coffee, or feeling the sun warming up your skin as you leave a freezing cold grocery store; even taking off your shoes when you finally get home. To be grateful or intentionally conscious of all the things that make you feel good automatically elevates our mood, putting us in a stronger, more stable position to tackle challenges.
In the same way that gratitude is a key component to happiness, so is spirituality. Research shows that spirituality is highly positively correlated with happiness, since it provides purpose and meaning to a person’s life. Long ago when I started practicing yoga, my instructor would always end the practice with some kind of prayer that included this powerful phrase, "Remember that nothing happens by chance, everything has a reason for being." It is quite possible that, during challenging moments, we tend to resist the process with questions like “why is this happening to me?” This may fill us with rage, anger, and hopelessness. However, if we humble ourselves to this powerful phrase and connect to a higher power, it is very likely that we live the process much more at peace while we look for possible solutions or simply let time run its course. Experiencing our losses with authenticity allows us to honor our pain. If we translate our pain into mindfulness (“I am aware that I am losing something that brings me happiness”), we can become more appreciative of life instances once we recover from that loss. In the end, I am a firm believer of the transformative power of pain making us humbler, but at the same time stronger.
Happiness is an option of the present. It is about carefully noticing what we have, and not what we want. This positive mindset of gratitude coupled with the acknowledgement of the existence of something greater than ourselves, allows us to experience a fuller life which puts us in a position of advantage when having to deal with the sour moments of life.
Author: Cristina Behrens-Soulavy, RMHC-I